“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation”
It seemed fitting that the first sentence you read on my website was the first quote that made me self reflect whether this applies to me; and whether this currently or previously has applied to every male in my inner circle (friends and family). Not only will i break down the quote and give my interpretation of it, I'll give you some insight into my answer and how to avoid this outcome if it applies to you.
To Henry Thoreau, this meant that most people live a meaningless life in which they work in an unfulfilling job, encounter emotionless relationships and have misplaced values (money, possessions and accolades). Quiet desperate lives consist of a monotonous routine, which is within one's comfort zone and lacks self expression. An example of this is working in a job which makes you unhappy, however it pays the bills. You can do the job with your eyes shut, the money is enough, but what else is there to it? A recent YouGov Poll found that 26 percent of workers in the UK felt their jobs lack meaning. On average, most people work 5 days out of 7 a week. therefore this is a huge amount of their life doing something which lacks meaning. On the contrary, 87% of people said it's important to have a job with meaning.
My life at one moment reeked of quiet desperation and I've had conversations with so many men who have experienced being in the same position, well before becoming a coach. We'll say phrases like "I can't wait for the weekend" and "Thank Goodness its Friday". We'll complain about our jobs, our colleagues, the lack of progression, the lack of opportunities and the lack of fun. Workplace stress is the one topic that I've found that men readily open up about, as its extremely relatable and the issues don't tend to be deep rooted. I'm well aware that men and women discuss their workplace issues however I'll go on to tell you why i feel this is extremely applicable to men. Societal pressure and lack of communication are the two biggest reasons why suicide is the biggest killer of men under 45. If men are working in a meaningless job they do not enjoy and do not communicate their frustrations this will become a problem. Men are more likely to stay in a job which they do not enjoy, due to the pressure of "being the breadwinner" and feeling an expectation to be able to pay the bills, even if they are in a relationship in which they earn less than their partner. Feeling stuck and tolerating a job without meaning, represents a quiet life of desperation, one in which they want to escape. I've been in this position and this was before the pressure of paying my entire rent. I fortunately had friends to vent to which helped temporarily, however I worry about men that do not have this fortune and have the rent to pay, a car to lease, a family to feed and a mortgage to pay off.
Joe Rogan said 'it's usually when you're young you have options... your options are severely limited as you gather responsibilities". I think that this is true, the older you are, the more responsibilities you are likely to have and therefore, cannot put as much time and attention into getting your dream job for example. However, due to social media, young people are constantly exposed to the lifestyle that others their age are living/appear to live and this mounts pressure to go into a life of quiet desperation. They may compare themselves to others and question their own reality, why they have not made it to certain heights, why they don't look a certain way, why they can't date certain people and why they can't afford multiple holidays etc. All of these negative thoughts relate to misplaced values and take people further away from finding their purpose. The Mental Health Foundation found that 60% of young people (aged 18 to 24) have felt so stressed by the pressure to succeed that they have felt overwhelmed or unable to cope. If looking at somebody on social media lights a fire in your belly to live a similar or better lifestyle, that's great, however for most it it is simply a step which is way to far in the distance. Due to this, they do nothing about it but absorb the content every day, settle for a job which is so comfortable it makes their existence boring. It's as if they go through the motions of life without feeling alive.
The way to avoid a life of quiet desperation is by taking a risk. By removing yourself from your comfort zone and taking a leap of faith based on what you truly value and want in life.
Anybody can make the change but they must come up with a plan which is measured, with realistic time restraints. Unfortunately most people only take action when they feel as if their life depends to it. One must come to the realisation of where they are now and how to get to where the want to be. Having somebody in your life that can give you their undivided attention to understand your current issues, listen to your aspirations, challenge you and help you create a path of how to get to where you want to be, holds exponential value. That type of value is priceless and is what you can expect to receive from a top tier high performance coach.
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